2008 Columns

Mathew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

I think it's extremely important to give to others, especially to those who can't protect themselves, can't care for themselves, are hurting, or don't have a voice to be able share their lives. And when I mean giving, I don't mean by just dropping a check off in the mail. I mean spending time with these individuals on one to one basis. Relationship is more important than money.

About a week before Christmas we took the fire trucks to a home for the mentally handicapped. We were supposed to go the week before but we were rained out on the day we had scheduled. Apparently, they were very upset that we couldn't come and so we rescheduled for Tuesday night. One of our firefighters dresses up as Santa and we bring two of our trucks in with lights and sirens. We then let them have at it with the trucks. They honk the horns, blare the sirens, and talk to each other with our intercom systems, play with the lights and they get to talk to a bunch of firefighters. While there are some low functioning adults there are also some very high functioning adults that live in this home. And they all love it when we bring the trucks over for Christmas.

As I stood around a watched each of the patients interact with one another and with the other firefighters, I noticed how so many of them look so normal on the outside and yet something has happened on the inside that has caused them to not be able to lead a normal life. It's heartbreaking really. And what did these families have to go through, what did they endure, what kind of heartbreak did they experience when they had to let their loved one go live in a facility that could handle their needs? It's a very sad situation.

However, I am also reminded of how much joy there is in the little things. To stop every once in a while and hit the siren or the horn just for fun. I love the lights and sirens but I think I have taken them for granted. I also love my bunker gear, but watching them try it on just made me beam with pride. I was so happy to share my happiness with someone else

Every year that we attend, I am reminded once again that not everything is as it appears to be, and to find great fun in the little things, and to enjoy each other immensely. Maybe that should be my motto for 2008? What will your motto be for 2008? Will you find more joy, spend more time with your loved ones, stop and take a deep breath every once in a while?

Well to say that the last couple of months have been busy is an understatement. Life has come at us and passed us by in the blink of an eye. It's hard to believe that we have not been able to update our Column & Commentary section since January. I feel like I do have a pretty good excuse though, my husband and I adopted our first daughter from China. And since February we have been busy getting ready for her, going to China to get her, and then getting adjusted to life with a busy 1 year old. While we celebrate this new life and this new beginning to our family, I do apologize for not keeping this site current.

This month I have taken an excerpt from our new devotional edition of Beyond the Lights and Sirens. This edition is about strength and Eric Strait wrote a great article about his experience with RIT and having to find strength. I decided to also make this piece our Column and Commentary article for May. You will also find more inspirational writing on strength by Peggy Roche-Landis.

Thank you for your patience and understanding! And please keep our family in your prayers as we find the strength to chase after our new daughter.

Men in the fire service are often thought of as being big, tough, fearless and strong men. We train constantly, take care of our bodies (hopefully) and study so that we can handle any situation under any circumstances and any conditions. One such training would be RIT or RIC training depending on the terminology used by your department. This training can be intense and very demanding mentally and physically, for good reason. Anyone who has ever been assigned to these positions and has been activated knows that it is an adrenaline rush like no other while being downright horrifying also.

Recently we were doing such training. I was the team leader and I had two recruits with me. While preparing our gear I told the guys to relax and not to worry about making mistakes. Training is the time you want to make them, and no matter how experienced you are there will always be something you missed, could have done better or you may just plain make a mistake. Little did I know that I would be the one to make the mistake. We were the back-up RIT crew and were activated when the first RIT crew ran into problems bringing a downed firefighter out of the basement of the house. We entered the structure to find heavy smoke and zero visibility. We followed the hose to the stairs and began our decent to the basement to assist the other team. Keep in mind these are narrow stairs with two charged hose lines on them. We came to a landing and as I shifted my body to began going down the last few steps my knee rolled off the step and I went crashing to the bottom, rolling and flipping two or three times before I stopped. I landed on another firefighter who heard me coming and braced himself for the pending impact, not knowing when due to zero visibility. After crashing into him we both landed on top of the firefighter that we were trying to bring out. The officer in charge of the scenario immediately terminated the evolution, called for ventilation and medical equipment to be readied for the injuries. The guy I was on had an injured leg above the ankle, was in great pain and hollering for me to get off him. The guy under him had both of us on his head and could not breath well. I could not move. I had pain in my left elbow, left leg, left ribs and was on my back with my feet still on the steps, I could not move. We were surrounded by several other firefighters, yet no one could see enough to help those of us who were down. After a quick prayer to God for the strength to lift and turn myself I was able to get up and actually help bring the other firefighter out of the building, rendering him aide before I looked at my injuries. No injuries were severe, yet my ribs were hurt and I’ll be nursing them for a few weeks.

In the scenario I misjudged the edge of the step. Although I had a tool and was sounding for it, I still missed it. A mistake made by a 12 year veteran. Fortunately it did not cost anybody a life or have critical injuries with it. Our Christian lives can be the same way. After being a Christian for a few years, going through some trials and rough times we think we’ve gained the knowledge and strength we need to handle anything so we began to get careless. Just as God warned Cain to do right because sin is crouching at the door and it desires to have him. God told Cain he must master it (Gen. 4:7). It doesn’t matter if you’ve been a Christian five minutes or 30 plus years, sin is always around you and desires you. Sin is just like the smoke I encountered going into the structure to help rescue the downed firefighter. I did not master the smoke around me and it got me. It literally knocked me on my back and hurt me as well as some of those around me, just as sin will do.

The prophet Jeremiah tells us that the wise man should not boast about his wisdom, the strong man about his strength or the rich man about his riches, but of knowing the Lord instead (Jer. 9:23-24). Our strength should be found in our God in Heaven, a God who can renew our strength (Is. 40:31). In that basement in my pain and frustration I did not have the strength I needed to rescue myself until after I prayed to the Lord and asked him for help. He delivered me in my time of need just like he can for you.

In your Christian life do not become foolish in thinking that you have mastered the sin that surrounds us in the world. “For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength”. Don’t test your wisdom and strength against God’s, you will lose. Remember, what is not possible with man is possible with God (Lk. 18:27). Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name, sing to him praises, let the hearts of those who seek him rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength, seek his face always and never forget the wonders he has done. (Ps. 105: 1-5)

Several weeks ago I returned home after working one of the firefighter fatalities that had occurred over the 4th of July weekend. I have needed some time to regroup and to rest after this one. Over the many years that I have been running the TX Line of Duty Death Task Force, I have adjusted many American flags that drape the caskets of the fallen, I have held the hands of countless families as they grieved the loss of their loved ones, and I have walked many miles on the long and treacherous journey of healing with fire departments that are trying to find a new normal after tragedy.

With most of these fatalities I manage to come through the work relatively unscathed on a psychological level. My heart has certainly been imprinted with the tears of each and every case that I work. Images of the deceased and their loved ones are burned deeply into my mind and I can never forget their stories; but for the most part I am able to leave my job at the doorstep of my office. However, this last case has left an indelible mark upon my soul that will probably not fade for a long, long time. You see, there were young children involved here. Two young girls who have to learn how to face life without their father. How do you look into the eyes of the innocent and try to explain that life can be cruel and unfair? How can you hold a crying child and not have that affect you in some way?

This firefighter was young and his death tragic. He had a chance to say some final words to his wife before he went into the hands of his Father. His close friend, who was not a firefighter but happened to be on scene, pulled him out from under the rubble and encouraged him to hang on for just one more moment. A local pastor, the firefighters and several of the town's citizens stood around him and said a final prayer with him before he was loaded onto the helicopter. He knew his wife was following. He knew he wanted to stay with his family but the damage was too great and the pain too deep and so he also wanted to be with his Lord where he knew his pain would be no more. He struggled and fought for a while but in the end he slipped away. He fought the good fight but the battle was just too big.

On the day of the visitation, the family had requested to bring his children in to spend private time with their father without the questioning eyes of the public upon them. I suggested that they be prepared for what they were going to see and experience. And although the casket was not open, the mere sight of a box with a flag draped over it and men in uniforms guarding the casket can be quite overwhelming for an adult, much less little children. The family asked if I could explain to these two young girls that their sweet father was with Jesus. So, inside the funeral home I sat down on the floor and told the girls a story about what they would see, about how much their father was loved, and that it was okay to be sad and to cry. I told them that even though their father's body was inside that box, that who he was, his laughter and the things that made him smile were up in heaven. I brought in two honor guard members and had them touch their badges and hold their hands. They went into that chapel with a smile on their faces but they left with tears in their eyes. Who could blame them? It was hard to fathom.

The next day, the day of the funeral, I went to do one last check of the family as they waited in the parlor of the church. It's customary to bring the family in last, after everyone has been seated and so they wait in a private room until they are summoned. The two little girls came up to me to show me their new stuffed animals. And as I knelt to the floor the youngest one, who was all but 5 years old, started to cry. I sat on the floor as she grabbed hold of me and I just held her and whispered in her ear. For several minutes I told her how much she was loved and she told me how much she missed her daddy. And I told her that every time she missed her daddy to hug that little stuffed animal and pretend that he was hugging her back. I told her that her daddy would always be with her in her heart and that she could talk to him whenever she wanted by just saying a prayer. It was all I knew to say and for a moment I felt lost. These words weren't good enough but she pulled away and smiled a brief smile and I knew that she understood way more than I was giving her credit for.

It's tough to explain to a child that sometimes life is too short. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to try. In a perfect world, her father would be here today. In a perfect world, I would never have to hold the tears of a grieving child in the palm of my hands. But it is an incredibly imperfect world and life is short. The lesson to be learned is that we should never take our moments here on earth for granted. We should love our loved ones with all of our might. We should take the opportunities that are given to us. We should never take what has been given to us for granted. In this terrible tragedy, I am glad that I was once again reminded of this lesson.

When I took my wedding vows at the tender age of 21, I didn't realize just how hard marriage would be. I had the dreamy, fairy tale on the brain and I never expected that the for better or worse part would actually ever include 'for worse.' I loved my husband, he loved me so how could a marriage be so difficult? A little over a year later, the for worse hit us hard when I was injured fighting a fire.

For a couple of years after the injury, our marriage was deeply tested. There were a few time when we thought we were through and that we would just go our separate ways but I just could not toss those vows aside. Sure it might have been easier to walk away but I made a promise to my husband and a promise to God that we stay married until death. The accident didn't kill me, so there was no excuse to leave. We had to buckle down, dig our feet in and cling to one another as tightly as we could.

It wasn't any easy road trying to get our relationship back on track at the same time I was trying to heal and re-establish who I was as an individual that was no longer able to work as a firefighter. We really had to fight and struggle through a lot of issues. We spent time in counseling, we changed our priorities, we spent as much time as we could together and we worked hard on communication. It took a few years of this kind of hard work and dedication but we managed to get back to being a strong married couple. If we could endure through the hell that we went through, we could survive almost anything.

Looking back over the past few years, I can't imagine my life without my husband. I can't imagine where I would be had we made the decision to part ways. I am a better person because of him. I can do the things that I am doing because of him. We have a family together. We live this life together. I no longer take him for granted. There are still rough patches that we have to work our way through but with lots of prayer, understanding, forgiveness, and learning to meet in the middle we manage to move on to the next adventure.

The movie Fireproof has been released over the past few weeks. It's a story about a firefighter trying to get his marriage back on track. I encourage you to take the time to see this movie. Whether you are on the brink of a divorce or you are living in happily ever after, this movie will give you a new perspective on the importance of the bonds of marriage. Marriage does matter.

January- Caring for the Least of These